Cancer is Crazy Expensive!

When most people think of cancer, rarely do they think of the cost. Unless you've been there. Trust me! Years ago, when someone would say, they had cancer...or a family member did, I'd feel bad. Like why did it have to happen to them? I'd pray for them. To have strength, to help them through their treatments, and for their health. But I NEVER thought about the money side of it.

Until my Goddaughter was diagnosed. I know what it cost my friends. They picked up, and moved across the country. Initially, they rented a hotel by the week. When it got too expensive, my dear friends spent day and night in the hospital. When Mr. C would have to go work, he'd come home. For a few weeks. Mrs. C slept on a hospital chair.

And as friends, we tried to help. We played extra gigs. Had fundraisers. Sold items. Held raffles. Pitched in, our own money. We did everything we could, for almost 5 years. It was crazy, at times. We knew that my Little Cinderella's healthcare, was covered. For the most part. Because of a senior doctor I was working with. He made that possible. And when things wouldn't work out, he and his wife would take care of the bills.

But as far as our friends, it was tough. I think they spent nearly 2 years...living in a hospital. Coming home, when all of us could send money. Getting hotel rooms, when there was some extra cash. Or we'd gift them a hotel room for a couple of weeks. But it was tough.

Not to forget, they really couldn't work. They had a small child, fighting for her life. She spent so much time, in the hospital! And they were so far away. As her health improved, and Mr. C could leave for work more often...they rented a small apartment. Down the road from the hospital. But it still made things tough. Money was so tight. And the only thing that was on their radar, was their sweet baby girl.

Like I said, we did everything to send extra money. I mean, they still had needs. Food, basic hygiene, basic needs. Yes there was the RMH from time to time. But when you are looking at the length of time they were, it starts to not be an option...

With my Dad, we were lucky. In some ways. He was older. We were able to get him better insurance. My Mom could work. I could care for him. At night, when she was home, I could work. Yes, there was good insurance. Yes, we lived 5 minutes from the hospital. Yes, we could work.

But it was still expensive. I was so glad, I was working. Insurance covered a HUGE portion, of the medical bills. But not everything. And being that he spent a third of a year, in the hospital...those bills rack up fast!

Looking back, even in a good week...when he was relatively healthy, it was expensive. We'd have 2-3 appointments a week. If it was a specialist, a treatment, or a surgeon...we paid between $35-100 an appointment. If it was a regular checkup with his primary doctor, it was $5. Just on doctors' visits, we could spend $200 a week! When you think about having to see the oncologist, going to radiation, having chemo, testing, and hydration...it was tough.

I never let my parents know. I covered two thirds of the cost. And then there was the medication. I look back now, and it floors me! It shouldn't. Because I was at Walgreen's at least once a week. My Dad had other health issues, as well as the cancer. But it was between $1500-2000 a month...for medication and supplies. I know! My paychecks, never seemed like enough.

Did we have good insurance? Heck yeah! I think about it now, and I know we would have never made it, without insurance. I think in total, my Dad paid $200 a month. Plus whatever Medicare charges. But it covered a lot. I knew the Ambulance cost. I knew co-pays. We had free OT, PT, and Home Healthcare. Which included visits from the nurse 3-4 times a week. A doctor, whenever we needed it. Social workers, nurse coordinators, etc.

But now that I look back, I can see how people choose to not have treatments. It's not always that a person doesn't want the treatments. You just can't afford them. Especially if you have a ton of doctors, medication, do multiple treatments a week.

When I knew  my Mom was sick, I panicked. For a ton of reasons. Financially, I was not sure we could do it. Like I said before, she's not eligible for that same insurance, until early next year. When you think about going to an oncologist...it's easily $200 out of pocket. To start with. Each time!

Forget about trying to get a doctor, when you are uninsured. Or trying to have testing done. Thousands of dollars! Tons of headaches. Countless phone calls! I can't even begin to think, what treatments would be like. It's crazy! I think about the pain meds, chemo meds, anti-nausea meds...I get nauseous!

Then I think about the basic stuff. Like I can't work. I have to take care of her. She can't work. There is no one else, to lean on. Or so it feels. Because you still have utility bills, to pay for food, and gas. Do you know, that 98% of our appointments with my Dad, where across town. You need to have a good working vehicle.

Oh, and that food thing. Most things don't taste right. And if I think about all the supplements my Dad had...it scares me. Ensure is expensive. Insurance doesn't cover it. He used brown rice protein a lot. That stuff is expensive. Regular food doesn't taste right. Things just aren't right. With my Dad, there was a lot of McDonald's. It's what tasted right...for him. With my Mom, it's hit and miss. Whatever she asks for, I try and get it.

Then there are things like equipment. We gave some away, after my Dad's passing. We lent some out...and now it's missing. So I have to run around, looking for those things, my Mom is needing. Or will soon need. And there are clothes. My Dad had clothes, ranging in size from small to extra large. When they lose weight, you have to buy more. Clothes are not cheap. My Dad's weight could fluctuate 20 pounds in just a few weeks. With my Mom, she's dropped quite a few sizes. Quickly. And she hasn't yet started treatment.

When you think about all those things, it's overwhelming. It's the stuff I don't talk to people about. Like when I take her to the ER, and while she's having a test...they're asking for a payment. Or when the bills start coming in. I just grin and bare it. I don't want her to worry about those things. She needs to worry about fighting cancer.

It was tough, the last go around. With my Dad. I'm pulling up my boot straps already. I know it's going to be tough. I know we have a long road ahead of us. I'm thankful for our family and friends. Who are rallying behind us. But I know, they can't pay our bills, fill our fridge, or take care of the medical costs.

So I have faith, that we'll make it. I'll continue to sell on Etsy. And hopefully, at Craft Fairs. I pray, that some insurance miracle happens. And well, I hope that she's not as sick, as I think she is. It's a long road. Sometimes scary. Other times, familiar. Mostly, unknown. 🐦

Blessed

My Mom and I feel so blessed. The last few days, have been full. Of lots of love. Family time. And a little holiday cheer. It's also been a long while, since we last made it to church. But on Thanksgiving morning, we made it. And it felt so good!

 

It's been that one piece, that has been missing for a while. My Mom happened to be feeling better. So we decided to make the trip. And even though, she was in a bit of physical pain. I could see how beneficial it was to her. We also made it today. Lord knows, he has blessed us so much!

We also found out today, that there are other people in our community, needing prayers. And love. And support. A friend of ours, has breast cancer. She had surgery recently. And will soon, start her treatments. One of the Fathers at our church, also has cancer. And they had a fundraiser for him, at church today. We went. Enjoyed a nice breakfast. That was HUGE! And it felt good, to lend a "Hand Up."

But when I say that we are blessed, I mean it. We have family that is rallying behind us. Friends who are lifting us up. And faith, that is helping us, to carry our troubles. When I think about the last few days, all of these things, were in action.

On Wednesday, a friend who is more like family, came to visit us. It had been a LONG while, since we last saw her. And it was so nice to catch up. To see pictures of her family. To hear that things are going relatively well for her. Honestly, just to talk to Rose, felt good!

My Mom and I, spent Thanksgiving with a small group of our family. But it was nice to see my cousins, my aunt, and uncle. We were so blessed, to spend the day, with my Nanie. Who isn't doing well. And for me, that was the biggest blessing. Making memories, with my Nanie.

When I think about loved ones, that have passed on...holidays ALWAYS come to mind! I think about those people, who spent the day with us. I'm not sure what the next year will bring. Or how many of our loved ones, will join the Lord. But I am thankful, to have spent the day, with our family.

It just got me thinking. Will my Nanie be here next year? My Mom? Who will the Lord call home? What will our family look like? Will I be working next year? That's quite possible. Will there be more people in the family? Will I begin a family? Maybe add a fur baby...

Lots of unknowns. We also spent Friday evening with my aunt, uncle, and a bunch of my cousins. Mostly from out of town. And that is ALWAYS a blessing. Just seeing family, that you don't see often. Having time to laugh and smile. To forget about your problems. To share good food. And make a ton, of new memories. The pizza was so good, I didn't even get a picture!

Today, we finished our weekend...with a visit with our good friends. Who we were supposed to join them for Thanksgiving. But they understood, our need to be with my Nanie. Such amazing people! I know the Lord blessed us, when he sent them to us. Leonor and Albert, have been that constant, that we've needed.

They are much more than friends. Family really. For a long time, Mrs. H wanted me to be part of the family. And I joked, if they had had one more son, I'd have been all in! I mean, all their sons are married. What's a gal to do? I still dream about marriage, and lots of babies!

No lie, Leonor and Albert are our family. And it's just nice, to get to reconnect with them. Sometimes, we let lots of time pass. Without seeing or talking to each other. But whenever we do see each other, it feels like no time has passed. And we pick up, right where we left off.

Are we going through a difficult chapter? YES! Are we blessed? Most certainly! With so much love, support, and prayers. Funny how on Thanksgiving weekend, so many more blessings happen. Many more, than you'd think. And all I can say is, Thank You Lord! For all that you've blessed us with. You are my strength. 🐦

🐦

It's True

70 days. It's been 70 days of me knowing. 70 days of holding back. Of only letting a few people in. 70 days ago, our lives changed. Forever.

I can tell you everything about that day. Helping my Mom at work. Her hurting. Coming home. Her sleeping. Trying hard to deal with the pain. Struggling to watch her favorite shows. Helping her to bed.

I was quietly watching a movie. One I have tried many times before to watch, and something has always happened. But I thought, I have 3 hours to watch this. I poured me some water, curled up on the couch, and was working on some crochet orders.

Then I heard the dogs going crazy. My Mom was crying uncontrollably. And I know, that the feeling I'd had for months...it had been right. Something major was wrong. We struggled to get my Mom to sit in a chair. Which helped ease the pain. Her face was red. Tears streaming down. Shaking in pain.

In a blur, I got the dogs outside. Unloaded our car, from the Growers' Market that day. Made sure the dogs had their blankets, toys, food, water, and a shirt of each of ours. Got them in the house. Locked the gates. And somehow, got my Mom in the car.

I can tell you about the 3 songs, it took us to get to the ER. About how cautiously I had to drive. Her sounds of pain. I can tell you what time I got her to the ER. What it looked like. How instantly, they took her to the back. I knew, we were in trouble.

Once her vitals were taken, and they had her a little more stable. I went back outside. Our car still parked in front of the ER doors. I waited while they held the traffic for an incoming Medevac. How by some miracle of God, I found a close parking. And ran the entire way, down that hill. I was taken to a back room. Where I'd learn my Mom had been undergoing testing. Still in tears. Still in pain. But she was getting help.

I can tell you what time it was. What the room smelled like. How many nurses there were. And what their names are. I can tell you how many times we saw doctors. How many times they took my Mom, for another test.

There was an endless flow of patients. I could see them. Hear their stories. See how they were being treated. Vitals taken. Then sent back to the Waiting Room. But here we sat. I knew we were in trouble.

After 11PM, I asked for prayers on Facebook. And at 11:44PM, I text some family. I knew there was something wrong. Really wrong. But I had to keep my head straight. And my Mom calm. There were countless MRIs, X-rays, and scans. And every single time, my Mom came back in more pain. Crying uncontrollably. Shaking. So red.

At 11:54PM the doctor came in. Looked at both of us. And followed, as they wheeled us into an ER room. Right before midnight, the words came out. Just as they made my Mom comfortable. The doctor told us, he was 98% sure my Mom had leukemia.

It was a punch in the gut! I knew she'd been sick. For months. And in pain. I suspected that it was cancer. But this, felt like it was out of left field. My Mom was stoic. In those moments, she was so calm. I thought she was in shock.

The doctor explained, we could go home. Or we could stay. They could see what was the cause of the secondary issue they found. Fractures in her vertebrae. And they could ease her pain. It was up to us. He left. And ordered some pain meds.

My Mom, only seemed concerned about going to work. In a few short hours. She felt like, she had to at least finish out the week. I'm thinking, she's going to be lucky, to finish the school year. Life is about to get real tough.

We talked. She realized it was important to stay. See what was causing all these issues with her vertebrae. I'd call her work, in a few hours. There were discussions of procedures. Billing. Insurance. Other doctors. Specialists. The lists went on and on. My Mom drifted in and out of a restless sleep. I think the ONLY reason she was resting, was from the medication.

We had seen a friend of ours. There in the ER. With her Mom. I'd steal a few moments. To go talk to her. Let her know about the back issues. And I wouldn't realize it until now, that's when we started keeping this secret.

Hours later, as night turned into day...my aunties would come. To see my Momma. And I'd steal away some time. To go home. Check on our dogs. Grab a quick shower. Throw a few things in a bag. And head back.

There was an unexplainable bond between my Mom and I. We both knew, what was at our hands. We both knew, what we were up against. And what our future was going to look like. And somewhere in that mess of things, I knew she wasn't ready to tell people.

We'd keep this secret. Family and friends would come to visit. Then the paperwork started coming. Wills, Living Wills, Power of Attorney. There were doctor visits planned. And more people, to talk about the tough stuff. The stuff, that my Dad had pushed...until the very end.

Unlike my Mom, when we learned of my Dad's cancer...it was late in the game. We found out in April 2014, that he had Stage 4 Colon Cancer. There was not going to be a cure. Or remission. We could only pray for time. My Dad, my Mom, and I would have a pact. No matter what, we'd fight for time with him. My Dad would insist on chemo and radiation. Anything, to give him time with us. We'd agree to anything, and everything he wanted. The last 11 months of his life, were incredibly tough. Tiring. Lonely.

But we were fighting for him. With every 12 hour day, at chemo. With weeks in the hospital. With every fall. Every seizure. With operations. Radiation. And countless doctors' visits. We were fighting for time. And it was his choice, to have treatment. We would support every decision he made. And cherished every precious moment, God gave us together. Christmas in the hospital. Ringing in 2015. He's 83rd Birthday. It was all a gift from God. Even if, it happened in the hospital.

With my Mom, it is different. She is nearly 20 years younger, than my Dad. Her health is better, than my Dad's. The cancer, is not as bad. Her pain is through the roof. And I see her have a tougher time with certain things. But she is in better health.

And like I did with my Dad, I'm standing behind every one of her decisions. To keep her secret...until she was ready to tell. To sign certain papers. To get her estate in order. To seek treatments. To fight to live. Find her doctors. Be her voice. Be her strength. Be her protector. I will be her biggest cheerleader. Like I was for my Daddy.

I love my Momma, more than words can even begin to say. I was 31 years old, when I lost my Daddy. And I was 3,3 when my Momma got her diagnosis. There was nearly 18 months between my Dad's passing, and my Mom's cancer diagnosis. And all I could do, was sit and pray. Every once in a while, I allow myself to cry. To be a little angry. To be upset. To be sad. But more importantly, to be real.

It's in his hands now. Our dear Lord, knows what our paths are. Before we are ever born. He made me, to be a strong woman. To bare this cross. I know, I'm never alone. I have my Lord, to turn to. It is, what gets me through my days.

But I also know, this time around...we have family and friends. On October 4th, we were given the leukemia confirmation. We told our "Market Family." And they embraced us. Carried us along our way. It was this group of people, that allowed us to talk. To get it out. To be OK. On November 1st, my Mom finally told my aunties. It was a HUGE relief to her. And a shock to them. A handful of people have known. Not for long. But they've known.

There were a few people, that I told there was a possibility. There were a few friends, that knew without a doubt. And now, with our Fundraising Effort in full swing, a few more people know. But we wanted to be respectful, of my Mom's wishes. She was ready today. For 71 days, we've held this secret. For 71 days, I've prayed for a miracle. And for 71 days, I've wanted others to know...so they could also pray.

I don't know what the future has in store for us. Or what to really expect. I know there will be chemo, radiation, and a possible bone marrow transplant. I walked a similar road, with my Goddaughter, years ago. I know what is coming. I know there will be tough days. Bad days. And a handful, of good days. But through it all, I will be here. Loving my Momma, through the cancer. Because the cancer doesn't define who she is. Or the love I have for her. It only makes our bond, stronger. #PrayForIrene 🐦

Ugh! Insurance...

So there are a lot of things that weigh on my shoulders. A lot of the day. Every single day. It's the thing that happens, when you become the one responsible for everything. Being a caregiver, is much more than taking physical care of a person. It's more than making sure the person you are caring for is fed, bathed, and safe.

There are all the other things. When my Mom was hospitalized in September, there was a ton of paperwork to be done. Her medical background. Getting all her care and treatments organized. You start on things like medical paperwork. Which usually means Living Wills, a regular Will, course of treatment, insurance, Power of Attorney, Estate Planning, DNR...

You are all of a sudden, having those tough talks. My Dad didn't want to deal with any of this stuff, when he got sick. He signed some papers, when the nurses and social workers talked to him. Just them and my Dad. And that was that. My Mom and I know, how important it is, to get this crap in order. So important!

In fact, I think I'm way ahead of my parents. When I was 20, I did all this stuff. Sure, I was working in a hospital. And it was required of me. But I still got it in order. I have a signed DNR. My will is in order. Every I is dotted, every T is crossed. And I update my paperwork, every single year!

But now, it was time for my Mom. And time to get insurance. The thing she had been looking into for a while. Trying to find something that worked. Something that didn't break the bank. And something that she could easily roll, into the insurance that she really wants. The same one, my Dad had. She's not eligible until early next year. Ugh!

During the last two months, we've hit many roadblocks. It's frustrating as crap. How in the world, do you set up legal documents with no problems...but have all these issues with insurance. It's beyond frustrating. She's not old enough for this. Too sick for that. Needs A 100% diagnosis for this one. Can't afford $2000 a month. Makes $50 too much for that. Needs to be working for this one. Oh, yeah there is a waiting period of 6 months for that one too.

Call after call, I get more frustrated. I want to hit a wall. Scream! Whatever. We've been to so many offices. Talked to more people, than I can remember. In fact, I was pretty frustrated last Friday. Watching all these families qualify for assistance. Because they are illegally here. And have children. By no means, am I putting them down. But it's frustrating to see someone like my Mom, who has worked her entire life...not get help. But these people with 5 and 6 kids, not working, getting everything under the sun.

Then I thought, I can go back to work full time. I was on a part time schedule for years. While I cared for my Dad. After his passing, I wasn't ready to jump head first into it again. 120 hours, in that stress...is tough. But in the Summer, I started to get my toes wet again. Would go in for a shift or two. Working 48 hours a week. Whatever they needed.

So maybe I could go back. Then I could add my Mom, to my insurance. I can't, while I'm part-time. But that wouldn't work. She can't be left alone. Can't do much by herself. And if I did go back to work, we'd need to hire a full time nurse. Which after looking into it, with a few friends from work...didn't make any sense at all. Not financially. Not with her care. Not for my career.

Back to square one, I went. There are a few more options left. Not many. But my fingers and toes are crossed. We can pay a HUGE fee, until February or March. Maybe even May...to get insurance. We can continue to pay out of pocket. Or we can just wait. To me, that last one, is not an option.

But that's kind of the way, things are going. Right at this minute. Obama Care, is for the birds! Because maybe legally, insurance companies can't deny you insurance. But in real life situations, it's still happening. Some say, it's because of reasons A, B, or C. Maybe all three. And other companies are so high, that you could NEVER afford to have insurance. Having a major health issue, is just not working out...

I know how expensive my Mom's care is looking. Just from this side. Even if she had my Dad's insurance. If you add to that, and insurance bill of even $1000 a month...we're in deep trouble! So I'll keep making calls. Digging around. Hoping, against all odds...that I find something. Sometimes I wonder, if being an American citizen...in America, doesn't work against you. I'm not lying. It's the truth. I'm so proud to be a citizen. Natural born. Hard working. Positive member of society. But really, what does a lifetime of hard work get you? 🐦

A Normal Day

Our new "normal," is quite different from what it used to be. My Mom was an early riser. Every single day! For my entire life, my Mom got up early. Usually she was up by 4:30-5:00AM. These days, it's more like 10:30-11:00AM. And it's more than OK.

When she does get up, it's usually a couple of hours...before she'll eat. And it's not the normal stuff either. I noticed this, even back in the Spring. When she was still getting up early. I can make eggs, potatoes, pancakes, French toast, cinnamon rolls...and she'll just pick at the food. The once HUGE fan of cereal, hasn't eaten it in weeks. So we go more for a "grazing type of meal." Maybe it's a small muffin. And a glass of juice. Nothing too big. Or heavy. Or anything like that. Definitely not coffee. Or even water. It all makes her sick.

In the mornings, while she sleeps...I have my "quiet time." I pray, read the bible, organize my day. There is usually some watching of Home and Family. Plenty of crocheting. Checking on patients. Getting plans in order. Calling doctors. And insurance companies. Anything that seems quiet. Even our pups know, that the quiet is necessary.

Once my Mom, is up and going...it stays pretty slow. There is usually the noontime news to watch. Maybe some Chew. Definitely some General Hospital. And then the marathon of Hallmark Movies begin. It's the beginning of November. And I'm pretty sure, we've already seen some of these movies 2 or 3 times. Maybe I'm the one that has seen them multiple times. Because I'll watch them, in the middle of the night too. Great way to get distracted, while folding laundry.

During these movies, my Mom usually naps. She was NEVER a nap taker. These days, it's required. There is also plenty of crocheting going on. Because what else, do you do with your day? She makes projects. I make projects. There are orders to be filled. And Craft Fairs to prepare for. There is ALWAYS something to be made!

As afternoon, is slowly fading into the early evening...there is also Ellen. She's been a staple in our lives, since my Dad was sick. It's the one hour a day, that my Mom can laugh. I see the smile on her face. And in her eyes. It's the one hour, when she can forget about her troubles. I'm so thankful for Ellen!

Evenings are usually pretty quiet too. I make something to eat. It's hit and miss, whether my Mom wants to eat. There's usually news to be watched. And an evening of some sort of TV, waiting on us. Dancing with the Stars, Tiny House Nation, Counting On, Grey's Anatomy, The Goldbergs. More crocheting. Our pups usually get active around this time. Running and playing. Wanting to be active. And fun! More crocheting for my Mom and I. And she's usually in bed by 8PM.

Our schedule rarely differs from this. The dogs and I, will stay up. Usually past midnight. When I get to work on some other things. Like blogging. Paying bills. Getting things in order. Doing laundry. Cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, or whatever else I can find...on that side of the house.

This is far, from what our schedule once looked like. My Mom was an active person. Liked to work, to be busy. She enjoyed her kiddos. Liked getting out and about. Loved being active. We'd cook meals together, clean the yard, garden, take the pups on walks, go to various community events, etc. My Mom just LOVED being busy.

These days, it's about survival. Wake up. Be in pain. Eat. Get nauseous. Watch a little TV. Take a nap. Crochet. Have a little more pain. Head to bed. Crazy how fast life changes. But it's just what happens. And you have to roll with the punches. I learned that. 🐦