Cancer is Crazy Expensive!

When most people think of cancer, rarely do they think of the cost. Unless you've been there. Trust me! Years ago, when someone would say, they had cancer...or a family member did, I'd feel bad. Like why did it have to happen to them? I'd pray for them. To have strength, to help them through their treatments, and for their health. But I NEVER thought about the money side of it.

Until my Goddaughter was diagnosed. I know what it cost my friends. They picked up, and moved across the country. Initially, they rented a hotel by the week. When it got too expensive, my dear friends spent day and night in the hospital. When Mr. C would have to go work, he'd come home. For a few weeks. Mrs. C slept on a hospital chair.

And as friends, we tried to help. We played extra gigs. Had fundraisers. Sold items. Held raffles. Pitched in, our own money. We did everything we could, for almost 5 years. It was crazy, at times. We knew that my Little Cinderella's healthcare, was covered. For the most part. Because of a senior doctor I was working with. He made that possible. And when things wouldn't work out, he and his wife would take care of the bills.

But as far as our friends, it was tough. I think they spent nearly 2 years...living in a hospital. Coming home, when all of us could send money. Getting hotel rooms, when there was some extra cash. Or we'd gift them a hotel room for a couple of weeks. But it was tough.

Not to forget, they really couldn't work. They had a small child, fighting for her life. She spent so much time, in the hospital! And they were so far away. As her health improved, and Mr. C could leave for work more often...they rented a small apartment. Down the road from the hospital. But it still made things tough. Money was so tight. And the only thing that was on their radar, was their sweet baby girl.

Like I said, we did everything to send extra money. I mean, they still had needs. Food, basic hygiene, basic needs. Yes there was the RMH from time to time. But when you are looking at the length of time they were, it starts to not be an option...

With my Dad, we were lucky. In some ways. He was older. We were able to get him better insurance. My Mom could work. I could care for him. At night, when she was home, I could work. Yes, there was good insurance. Yes, we lived 5 minutes from the hospital. Yes, we could work.

But it was still expensive. I was so glad, I was working. Insurance covered a HUGE portion, of the medical bills. But not everything. And being that he spent a third of a year, in the hospital...those bills rack up fast!

Looking back, even in a good week...when he was relatively healthy, it was expensive. We'd have 2-3 appointments a week. If it was a specialist, a treatment, or a surgeon...we paid between $35-100 an appointment. If it was a regular checkup with his primary doctor, it was $5. Just on doctors' visits, we could spend $200 a week! When you think about having to see the oncologist, going to radiation, having chemo, testing, and hydration...it was tough.

I never let my parents know. I covered two thirds of the cost. And then there was the medication. I look back now, and it floors me! It shouldn't. Because I was at Walgreen's at least once a week. My Dad had other health issues, as well as the cancer. But it was between $1500-2000 a month...for medication and supplies. I know! My paychecks, never seemed like enough.

Did we have good insurance? Heck yeah! I think about it now, and I know we would have never made it, without insurance. I think in total, my Dad paid $200 a month. Plus whatever Medicare charges. But it covered a lot. I knew the Ambulance cost. I knew co-pays. We had free OT, PT, and Home Healthcare. Which included visits from the nurse 3-4 times a week. A doctor, whenever we needed it. Social workers, nurse coordinators, etc.

But now that I look back, I can see how people choose to not have treatments. It's not always that a person doesn't want the treatments. You just can't afford them. Especially if you have a ton of doctors, medication, do multiple treatments a week.

When I knew  my Mom was sick, I panicked. For a ton of reasons. Financially, I was not sure we could do it. Like I said before, she's not eligible for that same insurance, until early next year. When you think about going to an oncologist...it's easily $200 out of pocket. To start with. Each time!

Forget about trying to get a doctor, when you are uninsured. Or trying to have testing done. Thousands of dollars! Tons of headaches. Countless phone calls! I can't even begin to think, what treatments would be like. It's crazy! I think about the pain meds, chemo meds, anti-nausea meds...I get nauseous!

Then I think about the basic stuff. Like I can't work. I have to take care of her. She can't work. There is no one else, to lean on. Or so it feels. Because you still have utility bills, to pay for food, and gas. Do you know, that 98% of our appointments with my Dad, where across town. You need to have a good working vehicle.

Oh, and that food thing. Most things don't taste right. And if I think about all the supplements my Dad had...it scares me. Ensure is expensive. Insurance doesn't cover it. He used brown rice protein a lot. That stuff is expensive. Regular food doesn't taste right. Things just aren't right. With my Dad, there was a lot of McDonald's. It's what tasted right...for him. With my Mom, it's hit and miss. Whatever she asks for, I try and get it.

Then there are things like equipment. We gave some away, after my Dad's passing. We lent some out...and now it's missing. So I have to run around, looking for those things, my Mom is needing. Or will soon need. And there are clothes. My Dad had clothes, ranging in size from small to extra large. When they lose weight, you have to buy more. Clothes are not cheap. My Dad's weight could fluctuate 20 pounds in just a few weeks. With my Mom, she's dropped quite a few sizes. Quickly. And she hasn't yet started treatment.

When you think about all those things, it's overwhelming. It's the stuff I don't talk to people about. Like when I take her to the ER, and while she's having a test...they're asking for a payment. Or when the bills start coming in. I just grin and bare it. I don't want her to worry about those things. She needs to worry about fighting cancer.

It was tough, the last go around. With my Dad. I'm pulling up my boot straps already. I know it's going to be tough. I know we have a long road ahead of us. I'm thankful for our family and friends. Who are rallying behind us. But I know, they can't pay our bills, fill our fridge, or take care of the medical costs.

So I have faith, that we'll make it. I'll continue to sell on Etsy. And hopefully, at Craft Fairs. I pray, that some insurance miracle happens. And well, I hope that she's not as sick, as I think she is. It's a long road. Sometimes scary. Other times, familiar. Mostly, unknown. 🐦

#OrangeForIrene

Years ago, my dear Goddaughter was diagnosed with leukemia. She battled it, for nearly 5 years. I'm so happy and proud to say, she kicked cancer's butt!

Along the way, there was much distance between my little Cinderella...and the rest of us. My friends picked up and moved, across the country. To fight for her life. And would only come home, once...maybe twice a year.

All of us, felt helpless. Like we couldn't support them enough. We weren't nearby. Yes, we were only a short phone call away. But I couldn't physically be there. I made a few trips, over the years. But it just wasn't the same. Yes, there were many late night calls, with my Cinderella's mom. A very good friend of mine. But it was tough. On all of us.

My group of friends, we rallied together. Did what we could. In a perfect world, we would have delivered 3 hot meals a day. Been there, when they needed a break. Had little parties, to make that sweet girl smile. But we weren't there.

Instead of all the things we couldn't do, we thought about all the things we could do. We could get together, and make cards. Send packages. Help raise money. Pay a few bills for them. Pitch in, for plane tickets home. We did it all!

Each family, in our group of friends, got a week. We'd send a care package, when it was our week. When it was our month, we'd help with one of their bills. In that perfect world, we would be delivering food. Instead, we were sending books, games, snacks, gift cards, anything we thought they'd need or want.

When our friends would make it home, we'd always celebrate with an Orange Party for our little Cinderella. We embraced orange. The color for leukemia. And as a group, we picked Wednesdays. Every single Wednesday, since her diagnosis, we have worn orange.

As she got older, it has become more meaningful. She understands what it means. And understands this beast, that she beat. The kids at her school, also sport orange on Wednesdays. It still brings tears to my eyes, to see all the pictures. Because it's a reminder, that she beat leukemia. She is a survivor. She reached 11 years.

Now, I not only wear orange for my precious Goddaughter...I wear it for my Momma. Back when my Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer, we embraced blue. Wore it proudly on Fridays. And when he went for chemo and radiation. It was a sign...we were fighting colon cancer. Now I will do the same for my Momma.

And I want to ask you, to join me. Sport that orange for my Momma. Every single Wednesday. And when she begins her treatments, I'll let you know. So we can proudly support her. And her battle with leukemia.

It's a small gesture. That doesn't take much. An orange shirt, or bow, or scarf, or hat, or pin. And I ask that you share on your social media. With these tags #OrangeForIrene, #PrayForIrene, #LeukemiaAwareness. Let's show my Momma, that shes' not in this battle alone! 🐦

Some Fun Stuff!

While my family seems to have all the "necessaries" of our fundraiser covered...I know we need something else. You know, a little fun. After all, we want to celebrate my Mom. You know, during our fundraising effort.

 

Not going to lie. I thought I had the color scheme stuck in my head. Pretty obvious to me, that we need to have orange present. We're fighting leukemia together. I remember the early days, of my Goddaughter's diagnosis. We were all "oranged out!" Every single time my friends came home from Tennessee, we'd have an orange party.

 

And my Mom likes bright colors. Green being her favorite. I looked at few online stores. And was convinced, that bright was best. I found lots of owl themed party goods, in these bright colors. Orange tablecloths. Green accents. Lots of color. Similar to the picture below. Oh, and that dark color...is really a bright purple.

 

But I kept looking on Pinterest. And fell in love with a more elegant color scheme. And thought, I can do this. With a lot of stuff, we already have. Just don't forget those orange tablecloths. We have to remember our new color. We'll love it, and sport it. Just like I do, for my sweet Goddaughter.

So I'm thinking, more of a coral orange. With mint green, and a little pink. I'm sure, we can find some of Nanie's old doilies. I have a ton of glass jars. That I'm thinking I want to fill with baby's breathe. Maybe tie with some thin gold ribbon, or lace. Just a hint of gold accents. Maybe I can find some of those wood slices. You get the idea?

I'm thinking of sewing some strings of cutout circles. To hang up. I'm also looking for some plastic owls. I've spent days looking. I wanted to paint them gold. And add them to the tables. With some tea light candles. If I don't find any, I found a nice tutorial on Pinterest. For pinecone owls. Because my Momma loves owls!

I've talked to a few people about a "Bake Sale" table. And I'm thinking I might do a little "Candy Bar." Keeping these colors in mind. I already have the serving dishes. Just need to track down some sweets. Do I have any volunteers for Cake Pops, Cupcakes, and the such?

Along with these details, I've been crafting. We're going to have a table, with our crafts. And I'm adding lots of orange items. All shades bright, peach, coral. And tons of owls! My Mom is so into owls, it's not even funny!

But that's been life lately. Oh, I'm also waiting on the tickets. Which are being printed up. I've talked to a few more people about donations. And I'm getting so excited! It's time to celebrate my Momma. And show her, she's not alone in this battle! 🐦

It's True

70 days. It's been 70 days of me knowing. 70 days of holding back. Of only letting a few people in. 70 days ago, our lives changed. Forever.

I can tell you everything about that day. Helping my Mom at work. Her hurting. Coming home. Her sleeping. Trying hard to deal with the pain. Struggling to watch her favorite shows. Helping her to bed.

I was quietly watching a movie. One I have tried many times before to watch, and something has always happened. But I thought, I have 3 hours to watch this. I poured me some water, curled up on the couch, and was working on some crochet orders.

Then I heard the dogs going crazy. My Mom was crying uncontrollably. And I know, that the feeling I'd had for months...it had been right. Something major was wrong. We struggled to get my Mom to sit in a chair. Which helped ease the pain. Her face was red. Tears streaming down. Shaking in pain.

In a blur, I got the dogs outside. Unloaded our car, from the Growers' Market that day. Made sure the dogs had their blankets, toys, food, water, and a shirt of each of ours. Got them in the house. Locked the gates. And somehow, got my Mom in the car.

I can tell you about the 3 songs, it took us to get to the ER. About how cautiously I had to drive. Her sounds of pain. I can tell you what time I got her to the ER. What it looked like. How instantly, they took her to the back. I knew, we were in trouble.

Once her vitals were taken, and they had her a little more stable. I went back outside. Our car still parked in front of the ER doors. I waited while they held the traffic for an incoming Medevac. How by some miracle of God, I found a close parking. And ran the entire way, down that hill. I was taken to a back room. Where I'd learn my Mom had been undergoing testing. Still in tears. Still in pain. But she was getting help.

I can tell you what time it was. What the room smelled like. How many nurses there were. And what their names are. I can tell you how many times we saw doctors. How many times they took my Mom, for another test.

There was an endless flow of patients. I could see them. Hear their stories. See how they were being treated. Vitals taken. Then sent back to the Waiting Room. But here we sat. I knew we were in trouble.

After 11PM, I asked for prayers on Facebook. And at 11:44PM, I text some family. I knew there was something wrong. Really wrong. But I had to keep my head straight. And my Mom calm. There were countless MRIs, X-rays, and scans. And every single time, my Mom came back in more pain. Crying uncontrollably. Shaking. So red.

At 11:54PM the doctor came in. Looked at both of us. And followed, as they wheeled us into an ER room. Right before midnight, the words came out. Just as they made my Mom comfortable. The doctor told us, he was 98% sure my Mom had leukemia.

It was a punch in the gut! I knew she'd been sick. For months. And in pain. I suspected that it was cancer. But this, felt like it was out of left field. My Mom was stoic. In those moments, she was so calm. I thought she was in shock.

The doctor explained, we could go home. Or we could stay. They could see what was the cause of the secondary issue they found. Fractures in her vertebrae. And they could ease her pain. It was up to us. He left. And ordered some pain meds.

My Mom, only seemed concerned about going to work. In a few short hours. She felt like, she had to at least finish out the week. I'm thinking, she's going to be lucky, to finish the school year. Life is about to get real tough.

We talked. She realized it was important to stay. See what was causing all these issues with her vertebrae. I'd call her work, in a few hours. There were discussions of procedures. Billing. Insurance. Other doctors. Specialists. The lists went on and on. My Mom drifted in and out of a restless sleep. I think the ONLY reason she was resting, was from the medication.

We had seen a friend of ours. There in the ER. With her Mom. I'd steal a few moments. To go talk to her. Let her know about the back issues. And I wouldn't realize it until now, that's when we started keeping this secret.

Hours later, as night turned into day...my aunties would come. To see my Momma. And I'd steal away some time. To go home. Check on our dogs. Grab a quick shower. Throw a few things in a bag. And head back.

There was an unexplainable bond between my Mom and I. We both knew, what was at our hands. We both knew, what we were up against. And what our future was going to look like. And somewhere in that mess of things, I knew she wasn't ready to tell people.

We'd keep this secret. Family and friends would come to visit. Then the paperwork started coming. Wills, Living Wills, Power of Attorney. There were doctor visits planned. And more people, to talk about the tough stuff. The stuff, that my Dad had pushed...until the very end.

Unlike my Mom, when we learned of my Dad's cancer...it was late in the game. We found out in April 2014, that he had Stage 4 Colon Cancer. There was not going to be a cure. Or remission. We could only pray for time. My Dad, my Mom, and I would have a pact. No matter what, we'd fight for time with him. My Dad would insist on chemo and radiation. Anything, to give him time with us. We'd agree to anything, and everything he wanted. The last 11 months of his life, were incredibly tough. Tiring. Lonely.

But we were fighting for him. With every 12 hour day, at chemo. With weeks in the hospital. With every fall. Every seizure. With operations. Radiation. And countless doctors' visits. We were fighting for time. And it was his choice, to have treatment. We would support every decision he made. And cherished every precious moment, God gave us together. Christmas in the hospital. Ringing in 2015. He's 83rd Birthday. It was all a gift from God. Even if, it happened in the hospital.

With my Mom, it is different. She is nearly 20 years younger, than my Dad. Her health is better, than my Dad's. The cancer, is not as bad. Her pain is through the roof. And I see her have a tougher time with certain things. But she is in better health.

And like I did with my Dad, I'm standing behind every one of her decisions. To keep her secret...until she was ready to tell. To sign certain papers. To get her estate in order. To seek treatments. To fight to live. Find her doctors. Be her voice. Be her strength. Be her protector. I will be her biggest cheerleader. Like I was for my Daddy.

I love my Momma, more than words can even begin to say. I was 31 years old, when I lost my Daddy. And I was 3,3 when my Momma got her diagnosis. There was nearly 18 months between my Dad's passing, and my Mom's cancer diagnosis. And all I could do, was sit and pray. Every once in a while, I allow myself to cry. To be a little angry. To be upset. To be sad. But more importantly, to be real.

It's in his hands now. Our dear Lord, knows what our paths are. Before we are ever born. He made me, to be a strong woman. To bare this cross. I know, I'm never alone. I have my Lord, to turn to. It is, what gets me through my days.

But I also know, this time around...we have family and friends. On October 4th, we were given the leukemia confirmation. We told our "Market Family." And they embraced us. Carried us along our way. It was this group of people, that allowed us to talk. To get it out. To be OK. On November 1st, my Mom finally told my aunties. It was a HUGE relief to her. And a shock to them. A handful of people have known. Not for long. But they've known.

There were a few people, that I told there was a possibility. There were a few friends, that knew without a doubt. And now, with our Fundraising Effort in full swing, a few more people know. But we wanted to be respectful, of my Mom's wishes. She was ready today. For 71 days, we've held this secret. For 71 days, I've prayed for a miracle. And for 71 days, I've wanted others to know...so they could also pray.

I don't know what the future has in store for us. Or what to really expect. I know there will be chemo, radiation, and a possible bone marrow transplant. I walked a similar road, with my Goddaughter, years ago. I know what is coming. I know there will be tough days. Bad days. And a handful, of good days. But through it all, I will be here. Loving my Momma, through the cancer. Because the cancer doesn't define who she is. Or the love I have for her. It only makes our bond, stronger. #PrayForIrene 🐦

She Knows...And So Should You!

So a few days ago, we started working on our #PrayForIrene Fundraiser. In just a few days, so many details came together. I never realized how fast, it would happen. But I'm over the moon about it!

My Mom had no clue. Actually, I was kind of sweating it. We went to funeral yesterday. And I was sure, my cousin had let the cat out of the bag. But no, my Mom didn't put it together. And today, my auntie and I, told her.

There were a ton of tears! My Mom is still in shock. She had no clue what we were doing. Or that this many people cared. It's been tough, shouldering this health issue. And it's nice to know, that people love us, care about us, and pray for us.

This is my Mom, and our pups. Just minutes ago. I know she's still in shock. That this many people care. I hope she knows, just how loved she is. And we'll do whatever we can, to make this path...a little easier on her.

So here are the specifics:

We're doing a #PrayForIrene Fundraising Dinner

 

American Legion Post 72

December 11, 2016

2-5PM

 

$10 for adults

$5 for kids

 

The meal will include spaghetti and meatballs or Alfredo chicken pasta, salad, bread, punch, and a piece of cake.

 

We will also be having a raffle. $2 a ticket, or $10 for a book of 12. So far we have a crochet blanket, jewelry, a crochet baby set, many gift baskets, a household toolbox, lots of giftcards, and a little something special...that I'm going to save for later.

I'm also running another T-shirt fundraiser. Please pass along the information. And if you need to reach me, feel free to send me an email at prayforirene (at) gmail (dot) com. 🐦